Best. Song. Ever. Written.
-Justin
Rigor Tortoise
www.rigortortoisecomedy.com
June 17, 2009
June 11, 2009
Rigor Tortoise has always known Justin was a Captian Showstopper but now we have proof. Congrats Triple J.
June 3, 2009
I have been repeatedly informed that I AM the lead singer of Kings of Leon, and just can’t have it. Music and comedy don’t mix, it’s never been tried, and will never happen, thus I have to dispel the rumors that a member of Kings of Leon is in Rigor Tortoise immediately! I can’t even begin to imagine how much our viewership would drop if people really thought that! So, to prove I’m not, I offer EXHIBIT A.
Justin Johnson is NOT in Kings of Leon. And, Kings of Leon is NOT in Rigor Tortoise. Get away from our dome TMZ!
May 27, 2009
Go BLOB Yourself AOL!
Dear AOL,I’m calling bullshit on everything you put up on your mainpage! BULLSHIT. Here’s the title I was PARTICULARLY stoked about this morning…
“Giant Blob Found Beneath Nevada”
Here’s the article…
COOL I SAY! Let’s hide the women and children, and figure out a way to destroy this blob, or at least contain it and further test it in some TOP SECRET LABORATORY! I shall read on keeping my fingers crossed that Las Vegas isn’t destroyed…however, sorta hopeful the BLOB does wage war in the city, maybe enveloping (Blobs do envelope right?) Caesars Palace or something. You know, like the BLOB takes it’s BLOBNESS and covers the whole building, then makes big fists and pounds them down crushing the streets? You get it! Okay, let me get back to reading this possible disaster!
Wait a minute. A picture of a mountain range?
OH wait, this “BLOB” is just a LITHOSPHERIC DRIP!!! A GODDAMN LITHOSPHERIC DRIP?!?! Oh, this BLOB is like honey dripping from a spoon? So, there’s no pictures, and it’s just gonna drip, not attacking any cities, or waging war upon the world??? Well, that’s cool I gu….NO IT’S NOT! QUIT FOOLING ME AOL! IF I READ “GIANT BLOB” I WANT A GODDAMN GIANT BLOB! NOT A HONEY DRIP! GET IT RIGHT!
Hey AOL, here are a few pictures of Giant BLOBS so you know what the hell you’re talking about…
Original Blob…
Blob Attack, BEWARE…
BLOB…
Get it straight AOL, and be alert for a real BLOB attack!
Hugs and High Fives,
Justin
May 18, 2009
Look at how candid Paul got in this photo.
-Justin
April 21, 2009
Slow and Steady
I’m excited about this new Pet Shop Boys album I’m listening to but more importantly I’m excited about all of the ways you can hang with Rigor Tortoise in the next couple weeks.
Here’s a page from our personal date-books:
THIS WEEK GO SEE BEHN’S FILM “WOKE” @ THE NEWPORT BEACH FILM FESTIVAL. All of us are in it and it’s a fantastic film. Follow the link for ticket info and the trailer.
NEXT WEEK COME PARTY WITH US @ OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW ON THE IOWEST MAINSTAGE AT 11PM. We’re going to be showing some exclusive out-takes, giving away some party favors and blowing the roof off of the place. Ticket info at west.ioimprov.com and check out the party promo by clicking the link.
IN TWO WEEKS COME SEE OUR FIRST SKETCH SHOW @ THE LA COMEDY FEST AT THE ACME COMEDY THEATER. We’re performing our very first live sketch show on MONDAY MAY 4th at 9:30pm and FRIDAY MAY 8th at 8:00pm. Do not miss this.
So for those of you who’s love language is Quality Time, there ya’ go. And for those of you who are Physical Touch we’ve got that covered as well.
FILM.
PARTY.
SKETCH.
Get some.
-GREG
Does it get any more candid than this great shot of Paul?
-Justin
April 19, 2009
Candid shot of Paul…again.
-Justin
April 14, 2009
Candid shot of Paul Natonek.
-Justin
March 31, 2009
Twits
Hey hip boys and ghouls. We’re twittering now. If you have an account and want to follow us, that would be swell.
http://twitter.com/Rigortortoise
We’ve posted some exciting information exclusively over there for now, so what are you waiting for? Go check it out and click that follow button if you feel so inclined…
-GREG
PS- Even more exciting news to come….
