Rigor Tortoise

To My Fellow Rigor Tortoise Members Who Have All Switched To Gmail…And The Rest of The World For That Matter,

Thank you for constantly encouraging me to change to Gmail.  I’m really proud of all of you for making the change, and would love to join in the fun, however, apparently there are a trillion Justin James Johnson’s in the world, and every derivation of my name has been taken.  So, unless I want the catchy, and always easy to remember Justin.Johnson.24.James@gmail.com, I’m not joining your party.  And, I’m sad about it.  I really am.  I mean, I want to be part of this fun.  You guys are all drinking from a punchbowl that has way too much rum in it, and you’re talking to girls…well all of you except Behn and Greg, but still, you two have the attention of girls, and there I am, in the corner, enjoying a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup I found on the floor.  The floor being my only friend, because at night I fall upon it and cry, and it listens, all the while, you guys are enjoying the greatness of Gmail.  So, rest easy at night knowing that I’m still a stupid AOL son of a bitch, while you guys are driving Hummer Hybrids that get 80 miles per gallon and a ton of head. 

Thanks for making me feel great about myself.

-Justin