Rigor Tortoise

‘Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 07:08:20 -0800

I Just Got Shuffled!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:34:17 -0800

I just wanted to give a big shout out to iTunes Shuffle. The persistence iTunes Shuffle has in playing a song by the Peruvian band Queena every other song, has really paid off, and forced me into fan-dom. I bought that CD while in Peru, put it on my iTunes for S’s and G’s, and never thought twice about it. Listened maybe once and was cool with it. But thanks to iTunes Shuffle in ignoring the other 11,000 + songs I have, and only playing Queena, I’ve become a real fan!

Queena and iTunes Shuffle, working together to make you feel like you’re always in an incense store!

Hugs and High Fives,

Queena’s Number One Fan, Justin

Rigor Tortoise is moving to Saturdays in October!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:51:33 -0700

Rigor Tortoise is moving to Saturdays in October!

"Trust me. You don't want me as your role-model, kid."

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:24:04 -0700

Saturday night was our first October show.

We saw lots of familiar faces and really enjoyed meeting new ones.

If you didn’t make it, here are 7 things you missed:

A Break-dancing Bonanza.
A new sitcom that would never make it past the censors called “Mating for Life.”
Jim Timmings and Tim Jimmings.
Court appointed little league coaching.
Wedding day jitters.
Dorf vs. Dwarf.
5+ health points.

Every show is completely improvised so your opportunity to see these 7 things has come and gone. The next show will be brand-spanking-new.

We’ve got one more Saturday night show this month (THIS WEEK! AT 11pm) and for this show we’re going to debut our brand new Halloween short “President Evil.” Plus, 7 brand-new things you have to see to say you saw.

Can’t wait to see you this Saturday!

If Only Things Were Different...

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:04:23 -0700

My last name is Johnson, but sometimes I wish it were Jackson so people could call me, “Action Jackson.”

Look at “Action Jackson,” he really got that job done!

Check out “Action Jackson” he’s a real riot.

This guy put the “Action” in “Action Jackson.

If your last name is Jackson, please be grateful. Especially you Alan “Action” Jackson, I’ll meet you way down yonder on the Chattahooche.

-Justin “Wishes He Were Action Jackson” Johnson

Ever Dream This Man?

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:03:48 -0700

Ever Dream This Man?:

Even creepier than the horror photography I posted a week ago.

This man will be at our show this Saturday. His name may or may not be Julian.

Rigor Tortoise is moving to Saturdays in October!

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:22:23 -0700

Rigor Tortoise is moving to Saturdays in October!

BEWARE OF THE SWINE FLU!

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 11:58:22 -0700

GOOD NEWS YOU GUYS!

So I know everyone is sorta worried about the Swine Flu. Nobody wants it because its awful and will probably cause your limbs to fall off…let’s face it, that’s probably what happens.

Luckily for us, Reuters released a very detailed article titled “Q & A – How do you know you have the flu?

Okay, first step you guys. if you’re going to fear the swine flu, you have to know what the symptoms are. And just as you thought, the symptoms are just as bad as the flu itself, so beware!!!

Brace yourself, because here they are:

Fever, coughing or sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, headaches, body aches, chills, and fatigue…swine flu also can cause vomitting and diarrhea.

Now everyone just calm down. Reuters released this to HELP us, not whip us into a frenzy. AND, you guys…they’ve also given you instructions as to what to do to prevent THIS KILLER FLU!

Here are some suggestions: wash your hands.

Just do it, I know it’s rough, but do it, you DO NOT WANT THIS KILLER FLU!

And you guys, God forbid you actually contract this killer…but in that event, Reuters let us know what to do to prolong your slow death…

Drink lots of fluids.

Okay, now I know it’s going to be rough to try to go out into the world and function like a normal human being, but you have to. Don’t let fear ruin your life.

Thanks Reuters, I fear living now.

Liz Taylor Tweets Her Heart (surgery)

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:50:39 -0700

Liz Taylor Tweets Her Heart (surgery):

Jump the Shark is to Television as Fix the Leaky Heart Valve is to Twitter.

Happy October!

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:50:00 -0700

Happy October!:

By clicking the link above you are warned that you are offering your brain a free pass to nightmare-land. It’s one of the scariest things I’ve seen in awhile. If you’re brave enough, check out the entire Portfolio. This guy is doing we all dreamed of doing when we grew up - Horror Photography.

Everything

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:56:52 -0700

First thing’s first. Are you reading the best blog in the Great Blog Canyon?

Check it out here: MY YEAR OF EVERYTHING.

Dave Holmes has decided to spend a year of his life reading all the books in which the author did some crazy thing for exactly one year. It’s such a smart idea and every entry makes me laugh. I’m glad this thing will be around for a year. READ IT.

Secondly, Rigor Tortoise took a short hiatus while I ran off to Georgia to get married. Soon we’ll be back with new videos and new shows. In October, we’re moving to Saturday nights at the fabulous IOWEST. If you’re interested in seeing one of our amazing live improv shows, come out to see us on October 17th or 24th at 11pm with the lovely ladies of The Dollhouse.

And finally, thanks to all of our fans that recently joined our Facebook Fan Page. We’ve grown from 50 fans to over 600 in a few weeks. Thanks for following us. We can’t do it without you.

Enjoy the blog and hope to see you at live shows in October.

- GREG

RT’s Greg Castle was nominated for a Del Close Award. If...

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:01:25 -0700

RT’s Greg Castle was nominated for a Del Close Award. If you’re an alum or a student please go vote for him at www.delcloseawards.com. Thanks.

Video

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 09:52:13 -0700

Click here for info. See you there.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:02:53 -0700

Click here for info. See you there.

Best. Song. Ever. Written. -Justin

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:26:45 -0700

Best. Song. Ever. Written.

-Justin

Rigor Tortoise has always known Justin was a Captian Showstopper...

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 10:17:05 -0700

Rigor Tortoise has always known Justin was a Captian Showstopper but now we have proof. Congrats Triple J.

I have been repeatedly informed that I AM the lead singer of...

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:07:05 -0700

I have been repeatedly informed that I AM the lead singer of Kings of Leon, and just can’t have it. Music and comedy don’t mix, it’s never been tried, and will never happen, thus I have to dispel the rumors that a member of Kings of Leon is in Rigor Tortoise immediately! I can’t even begin to imagine how much our viewership would drop if people really thought that! So, to prove I’m not, I offer EXHIBIT A.

Justin Johnson is NOT in Kings of Leon. And, Kings of Leon is NOT in Rigor Tortoise. Get away from our dome TMZ!

Go BLOB Yourself AOL!

Wed, 27 May 2009 10:47:44 -0700

Dear AOL,

I’m calling bullshit on everything you put up on your mainpage! BULLSHIT. Here’s the title I was PARTICULARLY stoked about this morning…

“Giant Blob Found Beneath Nevada”

Here’s the article…

http://news.aol.com/article/giant-blob-in-nevada/499851?icid=main|main|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fgiant-blob-in-nevada%2F499851

COOL I SAY! Let’s hide the women and children, and figure out a way to destroy this blob, or at least contain it and further test it in some TOP SECRET LABORATORY! I shall read on keeping my fingers crossed that Las Vegas isn’t destroyed…however, sorta hopeful the BLOB does wage war in the city, maybe enveloping (Blobs do envelope right?) Caesars Palace or something. You know, like the BLOB takes it’s BLOBNESS and covers the whole building, then makes big fists and pounds them down crushing the streets? You get it! Okay, let me get back to reading this possible disaster!

Wait a minute. A picture of a mountain range?

OH wait, this “BLOB” is just a LITHOSPHERIC DRIP!!! A GODDAMN LITHOSPHERIC DRIP?!?! Oh, this BLOB is like honey dripping from a spoon? So, there’s no pictures, and it’s just gonna drip, not attacking any cities, or waging war upon the world??? Well, that’s cool I gu….NO IT’S NOT! QUIT FOOLING ME AOL! IF I READ “GIANT BLOB” I WANT A GODDAMN GIANT BLOB! NOT A HONEY DRIP! GET IT RIGHT!

Hey AOL, here are a few pictures of Giant BLOBS so you know what the hell you’re talking about…

Original Blob…

Blob Attack, BEWARE…

BLOB…

Get it straight AOL, and be alert for a real BLOB attack!

Hugs and High Fives,

Justin

Look at how candid Paul got in this photo. -Justin

Mon, 18 May 2009 15:58:24 -0700

Look at how candid Paul got in this photo.

-Justin

Slow and Steady

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:22:58 -0700

I’m excited about this new Pet Shop Boys album I’m listening to but more importantly I’m excited about all of the ways you can hang with Rigor Tortoise in the next couple weeks.

Here’s a page from our personal date-books:

THIS WEEK GO SEE BEHN’S FILM “WOKE” @ THE NEWPORT BEACH FILM FESTIVAL. All of us are in it and it’s a fantastic film. Follow the link for ticket info and the trailer.

NEXT WEEK COME PARTY WITH US @ OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW ON THE IOWEST MAINSTAGE AT 11PM. We’re going to be showing some exclusive out-takes, giving away some party favors and blowing the roof off of the place. Ticket info at west.ioimprov.com and check out the party promo by clicking the link.

IN TWO WEEKS COME SEE OUR FIRST SKETCH SHOW @ THE LA COMEDY FEST AT THE ACME COMEDY THEATER. We’re performing our very first live sketch show on MONDAY MAY 4th at 9:30pm and FRIDAY MAY 8th at 8:00pm. Do not miss this.

So for those of you who’s love language is Quality Time, there ya’ go. And for those of you who are Physical Touch we’ve got that covered as well.

FILM.

PARTY.

SKETCH.

Get some.

-GREG